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Feature

James Carney caught in airport bathroom with Sgt. Schultz

by Schmuck • May 14, 2013 • 1 Comment

Baltimore – Mired in multiple scandals, the Obama administration suffered yet another blow Tuesday afternoon when the Associated Press reported that White House press secretary James Carney was caught receiving media advice in an airport men’s room from world renowned…

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Human Race officially declares Al Gore full of sh*t

by Joseph Shbotnick • May 6, 2013 • 1 Comment

London – World leaders gathered in London over the weekend to attend the Human Race Project international convention.  Representatives from 96 countries discussed a variety of topics including world implementation of the Cyprus economic model, advantages of unconditional surrender to…

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Reader Poll: Who’s more Schmuckworthy: Sheila Jackson Lee or her constituency?

by Schmuck • April 30, 2013 • 2 Comments

Do Americans get the government they deserve? It’s hard to argue that we don’t, since the citizenry often votes for the incompetent and corrupt, election after election. You’ve heard of Illinois and California, right? Yesterday it was revealed that the…

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Illinois Democrats abandon state in the middle of the night

by Joseph Shbotnick • April 29, 2013 • 1 Comment

Springfield – Nothing good happens in Springfield, Illinois at two o’clock in the morning.  Then again, nothing good happens at two o’clock in the afternoon either. But why is this night different from all other nights?  The usual sounds of…

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President Carter angry over Tsarnaev medical care

by Joseph Shbotnick • April 24, 2013 • 11 Comments

Former President Jimmy Carter is publicly condemning the treatment of alleged Boston bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev. The 39th occupant of the Oval Office is displeased that Tsarnaev, a Muslim, is being detained at a Jewish hospital that has the word “Israel”…

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Backpack registry legislation proposed

by Paulie • April 18, 2013 • 45 Comments

In the wake of the Boston Marathon attacks, elected officials are scrambling to come up with a knee-jerk reaction that will make no one safer, cause great inconvenience, and expand government bureaucracy. Texas Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee and Illinois Rep.…

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