A recent review of the Affordable Care Act conducted by Schmuck Weekly interns reveals a program geared toward hockey players that could bankrupt the nation.
Somewhere between pages 9861 and 10,312 of the regulations, Obamacare offers hockey players of all ages the option of free dental care. Unfortunately for current and future NHL stars, athletes opting for this coverage are required to sign up for the program on the ACA website, which is reportedly working as well as gun control in Chicago. But if the president honors his pledge to fix the website by the end of November (stop laughing), the number of individuals in need of major dental work who are predicted to sign up and receive taxpayer-funded dental implants, bridges and nitrous oxide treatments for depression associated with sucking at hockey, could render the program impotent, coincidentally like hockey players who play without a cup.
A look at major contributors to the Obama 2008 and 2012 presidential campaigns reveals that top fashion designers and modeling agencies bundled millions of dollars for the president and they are not hiding from the payback they are receiving.
“Hockey players are so fit and trim, with gorgeous bulging muscles. But their teeth are atrocious,” said fashion designer Phat (Bil-ee). “Now they will have beautiful mouths and we can tap these players to serve as models in our catalogs and on the catwalk – on the catwalk.”
Schmuck Weekly is seeking a response from the White House, but all emails have been bounced back due to inoperable internet communications.