Tag Archive for Democrats

2013 Schmuck of the year so far nominees

Schmuck Weekly is proud, more like ashamed, to announce the 2013 Schmuck of the year so far nominees. Readers were asked to submit the name of the individual they feel truly met the definition of “Schmuck” during the first quarter of 2013. We received the names of politicians, Hollywood celebrities, world leaders and many groups and combinations of individuals. Most submissions included rationales, so the Schmuck Weekly staff made the decision to take into the account the reasons individuals cited for their favorite Schmuck (s).

Your 2013 Schmuck of the year so far nominees are (no particular order):

1.      Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu

Kissing Turkey’s ass isn’t going over well with supporters of the Jewish State.

2.      New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg

America’s Nanny is as popular as a fat chick with facial hair and a cold sore.

3.      Republican Senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham

Readers fear the enlarged prostates of these GOP dinosaurs.

4.      Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel

After his confirmation hearing most Americans are convinced he takes a short yellow bus to work and leaves 15 minutes before everyone else.

5.      President Barack Obama and Speaker John Boehner

These two are about as likely to create economic growth as the Muslim Brotherhood advocating for gay rights.

 

What are you waiting for? Go cast your vote for the 2013 Schmuck of the year so far.

Who is the biggest “Schmuck” of 2013 so far?

We are taking nominations for our first Schmuck of the month poll. In honor of March Madness, we are expanding the nominees to include anyone who you think has behaved like a schmuck the first part of 2013. Please submit your nominee on the Schmuck Weekly Facebook page or email: paulie@schmuckweekly.com with your biggest “Schmuck” of 2013 so far.

Finalists will be announced on Thursday.

So many schmucks, so little time.

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Schmuck Weekly Publisher

 

Who’d Figure: Bob Woodward exposing White House lies

Two Presidents who are not fond of Bob Woodward.

Two Presidents who are not fond of Bob Woodward.

Crazy right-wing “journalist” Bob Woodward is at it again. The Washington Post reporter who,  with the help of some Jewish guy whose name escapes me, took down the Nixon administration nearly forty years ago, is using his conservative agenda to embarrass President Barack Obama.

Woodward has been on the forefront of clarifying that the sequestration idea came from the White House, that the president personally approved the plan and later signed it into law. The veteran Washington Post reporter is resorting to a ploy that many of today’s journalists aren’t familiar with – facts.

“Of course Bob Woodward has the facts on his side. He is a real – old guard – reporter,” said White House press secretary James Carney. “But the administration doesn’t work with facts and neither does anyone else in Washington. Mr. Woodward is from a school of thought that no longer exists.”

Woodward’s Journalism 101 tactics were exposed in October 2012 when he revealed in his book “The Price of Politics” that he actually got his information from senior White House officials Jack Lew, Director of the Office of Management and Budget; and Rob Nabors, Director of Legislative Affairs (no relation to Gomer Pyle). Lew and Nabors took the proposal to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid who presented it to Congress.

According to Media Matters Press Secretary Jess Levin, “Woodward is engaging in the outdated practices of research and investigative journalism. Real journalists understand that what matters is promoting Progressive ideals and the cause of centralization. The truth is a moot point, so the only logical conclusion is that Woodward is a racist.”

In an interview with CNN, Woodward said he was threatened by an anonymous senior Obama adviser by the name of Gene Sperling, Director of the National Economic Council at the White House, that he would “regret” writing an article arguing that Obama had “moved the goalposts” in negotiations over how to reduce our nation’s $845 billion budget deficit.

Incredulous that the administration would ever bully anyone, the CNN host became violently ill. Schmuck Weekly cannot confirm, but when it was revealed that former Clinton administration senior advisor Lanny Davis also received threats from the Obama White House, the aforementioned host reportedly imploded inside a New York City deli. Details remain sketchy and messy.

Schmuck Weekly will continue to update this story as the racist, right-wing extremist Woodward perseveres in his fact-driven crusade for the truth.

Illinois Democrats: We need prison preparedness classes

Illinois Governor Pat Quinn is considering a proposal by House Speaker Michael Madigan to implement a prison preparedness class for all Federal, State and County level elected officials. Democrats from Cook County are lining up to sponsor the legislation.

“Let’s face facts. Chances are high that we will get caught behaving like Cook County Democrats and will be serving time in a minimum or medium security facility in Colorado or Minnesota,” said Rep. Elaine Nekritz (D-Northbrook). “My colleagues and I just want to be ready when the inevitable happens.”

Last week, news broke that former Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. had accepted a plea deal that includes prison time. His wife, former Chicago Alderman Sandi Jackson, is also under investigation. Political corruption being a family affair in the Land of Lincoln, is family-based training a possibility?

Speaker Madigan informed Schmuck Weekly that family is his top priority, especially his own, and that is why “I have asked Patricia Mell-Blago, wife of impeached governor and current Colorado prison-bitch Rod Blagojevich, to help author the legislation as well as develop the curriculum.”

Madigan hinted that the legislation could be named after his favorite Illinois felons and would be mandatory for Federal, State and County elected officials regardless of party affiliation. The Rostenkowski-Ryan-Walker bill could be law by year’s end.

Schmuck Note: SW attempted to contact the Illinois GOP for comment, but their phone line was disconnected due to failure to pay the bill.