Tag Archive for Rand Paul

Rand Paul filibuster angers old white guys with enlarged prostates

Republican Senator Rand Paul (KY) has become a “rock star” in the GOP. The 50 year-old ophthalmologist is being touted as a candidate for the White House in 2016 and his hairstyle is the focus of the new “Don’t drink and cut your hair” campaign. With Paul’s star on the rise, he is running up against egos and envy courtesy of the old men of the GOP.

After a 13-hour filibuster that may have caused serious damage to Paul’s bladder, the Kentucky senator was learning how badly he pissed off the Republican hierarchy.

“These Libertarian kids are loud and obnoxious. Their minds have been corrupted by those Atari video games and Dan Fogelberg music,” said Sen. John McCain (R-AZ). “The country has done fine under our watch. America must trust the people that got us into this mess to get us out of it.”

John McCain and Lindsey Graham plotting how they want to bitch-slap Rand Paul

John McCain and Lindsey Graham plotting how they want to bitch-slap Rand Paul

South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham also offered some choice words for the freshman senator and his GOP colleagues that joined the filibuster fun – demanding an answer to the question, “Does the president have the authority to use a weaponized drone to kill an American not engaged in combat on American soil if the individual either looks like Ted Nugent or his name is Muhammad?”

“I do not believe that question deserves an answer,” said Graham. “What has the government ever done, especially this administration, to make Americans think they should fear for their safety? It’s not like the administration is trying to take away your Second Amendment rights.”

Schmuck Weekly tried reaching McCain for further comment, but the 76 year-old senator does not return calls after enjoying the 4:30 early bird senior special. No attempt was made by SW to contact Graham because nobody cares what he thinks.