Tag Archive for schmuck of the year

Nanny Bloomberg wins 2013 Schmuck of the year so far

Earlier today the conclave of Schmuck Weekly staffers gathered in a smoke-filled room to tally up the votes for 2013 Schmuck of the year so far. We considered the results from the online poll, Facebook page and emails submitted by readers. As we gathered with our 32-ounce cups of sugar-laden soda and legally purchased firearms, it was obvious before the count was finalized who the biggest schmuck of 2013 is.

With just over 51 percent of the total vote, Schmuck Weekly extends a heartfelt “Mazel Tov” to New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg – winner of the 2013 Schmuck of the year so far.

2Cl39i1364931911

“Only in America could an elitist billionaire, a true schmuck, wake up one morning and say to himself, ‘I think I’m going to outlaw Coca-Cola, because I can manage people’s lives better than they can,’ ” remarked Schmuck Weekly publisher Paulie. “Nanny Bloomberg truly exemplifies what it means to be a schmuck, and we offer him our congratulations.”

Finishing in second place was the comedy team of President Barack Obama and Speaker John Boehner. Their inept leadership earned them enough votes to qualify for second place. Better luck next time. Surprising third place finisher was Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel. His nomination hearings validated the public’s perception that most politicians are mentally challenged. Bringing up the rear were the “enlarged prostate twins” Senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham, who tend to deserve schmuck honors every time they open up their mouths. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu finished a distant fifth. His recent ass-kissing of Turkey earned him a surprising nomination and raised concerns that his body may have been infiltrated by the ghost of Neville Chamberlain. The Schmuck staff regrets that Bibi didn’t tell  Turkey to stuff it, but wishes him well nevertheless.

Mayor Bloomberg’s victory earned him a nomination in the 2013 Schmuck of the year awards. More schmuck winners will rise to the surface, or rather sink to the bottom, every quarter, so keep reading and opining, and tell your friends about the best political and popular culture satire on that internet thingy.

2013 Schmuck of the year so far nominees

Schmuck Weekly is proud, more like ashamed, to announce the 2013 Schmuck of the year so far nominees. Readers were asked to submit the name of the individual they feel truly met the definition of “Schmuck” during the first quarter of 2013. We received the names of politicians, Hollywood celebrities, world leaders and many groups and combinations of individuals. Most submissions included rationales, so the Schmuck Weekly staff made the decision to take into the account the reasons individuals cited for their favorite Schmuck (s).

Your 2013 Schmuck of the year so far nominees are (no particular order):

1.      Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu

Kissing Turkey’s ass isn’t going over well with supporters of the Jewish State.

2.      New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg

America’s Nanny is as popular as a fat chick with facial hair and a cold sore.

3.      Republican Senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham

Readers fear the enlarged prostates of these GOP dinosaurs.

4.      Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel

After his confirmation hearing most Americans are convinced he takes a short yellow bus to work and leaves 15 minutes before everyone else.

5.      President Barack Obama and Speaker John Boehner

These two are about as likely to create economic growth as the Muslim Brotherhood advocating for gay rights.

 

What are you waiting for? Go cast your vote for the 2013 Schmuck of the year so far.